Just Realized Why I'm Single

Only took 38 years to figure out LOL

Last night, while answering some anonymous story questions on Instagram, someone asked if I liked The Office (the American version). I absolutely do, but I have had one major gripe with it as years have gone on and I rewatched it over and over:

The Pam & Jim storyline.

Hear me out.

In the beginning, it’s great. There’s all this flirtatious tension and the whole “will they/won’t they” piece. Obviously, if you’ve seen any TV or movie since the beginning of time, you know that they definitely *will* at some point, but it’s great anyway. And we are totally here for it.

Credit: cheatsheet.com

Then, after they get together. Real life sets in. I should probably mention that I actually appreciate this part of the show (something I didn’t mention during my rant about these two). Most movies end when the star-crossed lovers FINALLY get together - aka the Disney effect - leaving you to assume that they just live happily ever after. One thing The Office does nicely? Shows you that it’s not all sunshine and roses post-falling in love. Once the kids come and the houses are bought and the finances take a hit…it’s tough. And fights will happen.

THAT SAID. My point last night was: when you break it down and really look at it, Pam kinda sucks. Jim does too, but not as much. And they’re both really codependent. This is my take and I’m allowed to have my opinion. Also, it was meant for laughs because who cares about a show that ended nearly 10 years ago? But thanks to that rant, I now have a larger point that relates back to real life circa now (especially mine).

So here it is.

Pam: kind of a bitch, dresses like a grandma, no spine, and most annoyingly, acts all weird and oblivious to the fact that Jim is crazy in love with her. Then, when he is the MOST VULNERABLE and tells her, she acts like an asshole. You can get away with this behavior when you’re in high school, but not as an adult. I’m sorry but open your fucking eyes. Men don’t like wasting their time, and the amount of time Jim spends on Pam…you see my point.

Another reason Pam sucks? After they get together, she becomes even more of a bitch and expects Jim to just be on her side no matter what. Zero room for discussion or conflict resolution. Also, claims she wants to be an artist/designer and when she finally gets the balls to go to art school, she gives it, what? A month or so before giving up on her dreams? BECAUSE SHE MISSES HER BOYFRIEND? Grow up, Pam.

Jim: although kind of a bully, he was always pretty sweet to Pam. And she didn’t deserve it most of the time. Then, when they get together, they become so codependent that when she goes to art school, they get tiny bluetooth devices so they can talk to each other all day and hear each other’s private conversations?? WHAT KIND OF PSYCHO SHIT IS THAT?

NOW. Karen: don’t get me wrong, she can be a bitch too, but at least Karen had some reasons to back it up. Her man was in love with someone else? And she moved to another city for him and he lied to her face about Pam? And she sat on the beach listening to Pam basically TELL HER BF that she called off her wedding for him?? Right in front of her?? If I were Karen I would have pulled Pam aside and asked if she’d been to therapy recently.

Jim and Pam might actually deserve each other.

Karen was driven, funny, spoke French, and played Call of Duty. She also appeared to be low drama and had friends/a life outside of her relationship. Guys’ girl but not to an extreme, right? Or so I thought…

THE AMOUNT OF DM’S I GOT FROM MEN DEFENDING PAM BEASLEY.

HOLY.

ABSOLUTE.

SHIT.

I will not use names here, but let’s just say Karen was described as a “guy,” “dude female,” “butch,” and “too independent.” And Pam was described as “wholesome,” “motherly,” “nurturing,” and “sweet.”

First of all, I almost gagged. Pam is the opposite of sweet, from where I’m sitting. The only thing “motherly” about her is her sweaters. She has her moments but everyone can be sweet for 30 seconds (also she’s fictional but she represents a type that’s pivotal to this rant).

My point is - apparently, a lot of guys out there think that Pam is the type of woman they would marry, and Karen is the type of woman they just date. I am a Karen. Never thought I’d say that but in the context of this conversation, Karen is not asking for the manager at Homegoods.

I’d also like to point out that before I went on that rant, I had ZERO clue that I would take it personally, but here we are. Because the responses really made me think. Prior to that, I didn’t even think of comparing myself to either of these fictional women before a bunch of men flooded my DM’s with things like “leave Pam alone!!” “Karen is too much for Jim!” “Jim wants a mommy type!” “stop attacking Pam!”

For the record, a few men actually agreed with me on my rant, but a much larger amount did not. And I hate to admit I was surprised. All these years of living on earth, I thought guys LIKE the guys’ girl. But…now I’m questioning it? I’m sure there are guys’ girls out there with rings on their fingers or in happy relationships but…it appears the pool of men who look for that “type” is incredibly small. It’s a kiddie pool. Maybe a large basin, at best.

And that is why I’m single. Apparently?

I was arguing with some of the men in my DM’s last night about this, and one of them even said “no one wants to date their frat brother lol.” Sorry but, I think that’s a TOUCH extreme? I’m very much a guys’ girl but I don’t go around burping and farting on the couch when I’m with my bf. Since when did being a guys’ girl translate to just being the straight up opposite sex? Lol what the fuck.

Just because you’re a girl who likes cars or video games or dirty jokes and curses a lot doesn’t mean you’re incapable of being a caring, thoughtful human. Or a good mom. Or a good girlfriend. Speaking only for myself here but I’m sure I’m not alone - ask the men who have dated me - they might give you a list of the things they didn’t like about me, but I guarantee you, “not being thoughtful enough” would never make that list. Ever.

I’m just out here giving a voice to the guys’ girls in the room. I was really surprised to see that this stereotype still exists. After all these years and all the work we’ve done for women, it’s still “not ok” for a woman to be anything other than a woman in the traditional, 1950’s sense? I refuse to believe that but... *shrugs*

Either way, I’ll be here telling Dad jokes and watching Top Gear. Can’t be anything other than who I am, nor would I want to be. So if you’re out there living the guys’ girl struggle too, I see you. Our time will come.